Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Cruise Control.




I'm driving down a road.

it's dark

like midnight

like a black hole.


Dark like driving through the country..where there are no street lights for miles.


I drive around a sharp curve

I believe I am following someone

another car ahead.


I slow down

and notice 2 animals laying on their sides

dead.

Sandy in color

like the hills it seems I am driving around.

Like whoever was here before me

was unlucky enough

to strike out

twice.



Straightening the curve

the road ahead keeps throwing me turns

I seem to be going too fast for


I'm trying to slow down.



My head lights seem to dim

like I'm driving into

the very pits of hell.

A bleeding inkstain.

And I'm losing sight of the vehicle in front of me

nervously trying to turn on my brights

and handle my steering wheel


Before I completely loose control





When my eyes flutter awake

I'm laying on the same old couch

My head wrapped in blankets

My cell phone gripped in my hand


and for some reason

in my half concious state

I keep thinking of you

while my stomach churns.


And I think I may have had another dream

(or maybe more like another nightmare)

where I found myself in a room

in a house I didnt know

in a bathroom I've never seen

with tiles that may have been white

but are stained with grey filth

and dirt in the cracks

and I think I see

6 legged creatures crawling across the floor


When I end up outside

on a nicely manicured lawn

next to a dark sand colored house

like desert clay

I remember seeing your face.

And maybe you were trying to tell me something

but I can't remember a word you may have said.


I'm laying here

on that same old couch

It was 101 degrees outside today.

I took a 30 minute nap

and awoke when the sun was starting to set

with a million questions running through my mind


wondering just what I should do


with this newly acquired

subconcious

information.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Hide.








I feel like I'm being eaten alive.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Ghosts.




I don't like liking people.


The end result is always the same.




And as it often goes,

I will take you

And make you another memory

Another story

Another ghost.

I will put you away in one of those boxes.

Hidden away somewhere dark.

You will be just another feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Like all of the files stored away

Like all of the empty hallways I walk down,feeling the walls.Wondering if I should open something again or keep it shut.

And everytime I think the same old thing...

I never wanted any of this



I told a boy once

"You and me,we're bound to do this forever"


The funny thing is,I'm certian its just me.

I'm bound to do this to myself.

Be haunted by my memories

And turn people into ghosts.



I've aquired quite the collection.




One day the fire I will start from all these memories will be the only thing that keeps me warm at night.

Monday, April 27, 2009

10pm.



It's 10pm.Friday night,and he's already asleep.
Outside I can hear people laughing.Drinking.Conversing.

I'm here in this room with perfect hardwood floors.A bed with

expensive sheets.I have someone laying next to me,but in this

moment I haven't felt so alone.

And all I can think about is what I wouldn't give to be back

where I was.

And all I can remember is the smell of popcorn.Dim

lights.Sunscreen and sunburns.Cold nights.I'm realising I'm

already starting to forget your laugh.The sound of your voice.

How much more time will go by before I don't remember you at

all?

You always used to leave a mark.Now my skin has no pigment.

I'm laying in this bed.Stranded..like I'm on an island.His back is

to me,and he might as well be miles away.

And I am thinking of all the things I would be doing tonight if it

were you instead.



I stained those expensive sheets with my memories of you.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Reckoner.





Because we separate like

ripples on a blank shore

(in rainbows)


Reckoner



Take me with you.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

My Day.


You shut your mouth
How can you say
I go about things the wrong way?

I am human and I need to be loved...







....Just like everybody else does.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Writers Block.


I haven't written in a while.

Not just on here.I have a 5 year journal that I neglect on average of 3 days at a time.Then,when I start feeling bad,I go back over the last few days events as if I was writing them on the days the occured.Living in the past in the present can be dangerous,even on a simplistic level.And with the way things have been going,its hard to find anything to say that I even want to talk about.

Dont get me wrong.Some of my best writing has been from a place of despreation.Lonliness.Wanting.

I have a lot on my mind and no disire to try and sort it out by my own means.I've been trying to go with the flow.I can't tell if its even working.I feel detached,so maybe it is..in a way.

I bought a black hardcover journal 2 weeks ago.Nothing has been written in it.

Why am I sitting around fucking things off?

I'm finally getting some time to myself.The condo has been empty.I was able to start my polaroid project and shoot my 1st DIY set..which I was planning on sending into DN.

My hair is long and deep burgandy.I'm enjoying it a whole hell of a lot.I'm trying to get back into the gym track of things.When my Mom was in town it kinda fucked my schdeual all up,though I was definatley happy she was here.

I really miss working.