Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Writers Block.


I haven't written in a while.

Not just on here.I have a 5 year journal that I neglect on average of 3 days at a time.Then,when I start feeling bad,I go back over the last few days events as if I was writing them on the days the occured.Living in the past in the present can be dangerous,even on a simplistic level.And with the way things have been going,its hard to find anything to say that I even want to talk about.

Dont get me wrong.Some of my best writing has been from a place of despreation.Lonliness.Wanting.

I have a lot on my mind and no disire to try and sort it out by my own means.I've been trying to go with the flow.I can't tell if its even working.I feel detached,so maybe it is..in a way.

I bought a black hardcover journal 2 weeks ago.Nothing has been written in it.

Why am I sitting around fucking things off?

I'm finally getting some time to myself.The condo has been empty.I was able to start my polaroid project and shoot my 1st DIY set..which I was planning on sending into DN.

My hair is long and deep burgandy.I'm enjoying it a whole hell of a lot.I'm trying to get back into the gym track of things.When my Mom was in town it kinda fucked my schdeual all up,though I was definatley happy she was here.

I really miss working.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Things I love....


Museums,science,marine biology and the study of the ocean,History (but not general american history in the last 300 years,its so boring...)Tangible memories (pictures,letters,mementos)Antiques and Antique stores (The vibe is amazing..don't you think?) The feeling you get when you're in the wildnerness and can feel how old and untouched the land is,like it's alive with spirits,and that you're connected to it all (no,I'm not crazy).Home improvement magizines (Martha Stewart,anyone?).Good food with good views.I'm sucker for sushi.Going to the beach early in the morning while it's still foggy and very cold.The silent hours of the world that exist between 3 and 6 am,when everything is blue.When its so cold I can make clouds with my breath.Hot showers.Christmas lights at midnight.When its foggy,dark,and extremely windy.(I'm an air sign :D).Old black and white photos from the 1900-1950s.I'm pretty much obsessed with those time periods in their entirey-from fashion,way of life,and the simplicty of beauty.I love planning new art projects.I love art (that isn't pretentious).I love being inspired.
I love the idea of spending all day in a comfy bed with someone special,watching movies,staying warm,and just loving their company. (I have yet to acomplish this,but I really hope to).The ability to go to the store in my pjs and know I'm still beautiful(on the right days...).Carnivals and street fairs (the food,the mood,the lights!).Photobooths.Old cameras.Laughing til it hurts.The little moments that mean everything.The feeling you get when you know you're falling in love.I have a penchant for birds,trees,moths and butterflies,many colored fish,things with tentitcles...basically many animals of flight and sea.Have you ever seen the devil squid? He's the ultimate definition of coolness.
I love things with color.I love colors.I can never answer the "what's your favorite color" question.If I could be a crayon,I'd be all of them.
I'm preoccupied by beauty.I aspire to own a ton of clothes and makeup,a million pairs of shoes.It's my ambition to make things that make people feel beautiful for a living,(including myself) inside an out.
I love tattoos that tell a story.Scars too.I love learning things about you not many people know.Its these things that make a person who they are(and it's incredible.)
The sound of a train comming in the middle of the night is one of the best sounds that exists.The smell of hot train tracks in the summer takes me back to a simpler time.I love my memories.They totally captivate me.
I like things that are round and small.Anything orbital in shape makes me smile.(This is a major reason why I need to make sure I have an assload of cash before going to Japan.Speaking of far away lands...)I want to travel.I used to fear it,now I want nothing more than to experiance new places with some of my favorite people by my side.
The piano and violin(I want to learn to play both).
Italian is a beautiful language I hope someday to know.
Dancing,all kinds of dancing.Dancing in your undies while cleaning the house might just be the best,though.I love when things are clean and organized(I feel more at peace).
When I am enamoured by the mystery of an individual.Sexual tension.Stockings and garter belts.Period fashion.I have a bit of a smoke fetish.Late night drives.The boonies on a warm summer day.The way open feilds smell.When the sun starts setting on a nice day,by the beach in San Francisco...walking along the ledge by Sloat beach and the Cliff House.Summer adventures.The Fall,and Winter.Walking on the levee..uvas creek road.When you go back to school and all your stuff is new.New paper,new pens.Apple gum.Sour mints and sour candy.Loose leaf tea.The way a shopping Mall feels after it closes and you're the only one still walking inside.Hands,fingers,breath.Wispers in your ear.Intellegence and the ability to be clever.Dark hair and wicked smiles.Reading a really good book, or seeing a good movie.The smell of coffee.Driftwood bonfires.Candlelight.Vanilla incense.The way my cat meows at me when I'm bringing her a bowl of water(shes too adoreable).
I love working.I feel like I'm more productive with my days.(and enjoy the peace in knowing I have money in my bank account all the time).That feeling I get when I just bought something new and awesome.Songs that make me fall into myself.Complete and total transcendance.People who are genuine.That perfect
kind of comfortable underneath your covers.When my Mom is excited about something.When my Dad is being a dork.That my Sister is the only person who knows more about me than I do.Old pinup postcards.Ancient lighters (I collect zippos).Antique keys and hand mirrors.Old Cars.Teapots and tea shops.The smell of a match when it burns out.The sound of rain.Playing hookey(or the memories of it,rather).Craft stores.When you find the perfect gift for someone.Being sentimental.Trinkets from Chinatown.They way another persons skin can feel on mine.The moment where you become so lost in someone else and the moment itself.(I think there is no greater high than this)

I'm sure I lfet some things out,but you get the gist! ^___-