Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cruise Control.
I'm driving down a road.
it's dark
like midnight
like a black hole.
Dark like driving through the country..where there are no street lights for miles.
I drive around a sharp curve
I believe I am following someone
another car ahead.
I slow down
and notice 2 animals laying on their sides
dead.
Sandy in color
like the hills it seems I am driving around.
Like whoever was here before me
was unlucky enough
to strike out
twice.
Straightening the curve
the road ahead keeps throwing me turns
I seem to be going too fast for
I'm trying to slow down.
My head lights seem to dim
like I'm driving into
the very pits of hell.
A bleeding inkstain.
And I'm losing sight of the vehicle in front of me
nervously trying to turn on my brights
and handle my steering wheel
Before I completely loose control
When my eyes flutter awake
I'm laying on the same old couch
My head wrapped in blankets
My cell phone gripped in my hand
and for some reason
in my half concious state
I keep thinking of you
while my stomach churns.
And I think I may have had another dream
(or maybe more like another nightmare)
where I found myself in a room
in a house I didnt know
in a bathroom I've never seen
with tiles that may have been white
but are stained with grey filth
and dirt in the cracks
and I think I see
6 legged creatures crawling across the floor
When I end up outside
on a nicely manicured lawn
next to a dark sand colored house
like desert clay
I remember seeing your face.
And maybe you were trying to tell me something
but I can't remember a word you may have said.
I'm laying here
on that same old couch
It was 101 degrees outside today.
I took a 30 minute nap
and awoke when the sun was starting to set
with a million questions running through my mind
wondering just what I should do
with this newly acquired
subconcious
information.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Ghosts.
I don't like liking people.
The end result is always the same.
And as it often goes,
I will take you
And make you another memory
Another story
Another ghost.
I will put you away in one of those boxes.
Hidden away somewhere dark.
You will be just another feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Like all of the files stored away
Like all of the empty hallways I walk down,feeling the walls.Wondering if I should open something again or keep it shut.
And everytime I think the same old thing...
I never wanted any of this
I told a boy once
"You and me,we're bound to do this forever"
The funny thing is,I'm certian its just me.
I'm bound to do this to myself.
Be haunted by my memories
And turn people into ghosts.
I've aquired quite the collection.
One day the fire I will start from all these memories will be the only thing that keeps me warm at night.
Monday, April 27, 2009
10pm.
It's 10pm.Friday night,and he's already asleep.
Outside I can hear people laughing.Drinking.Conversing.
I'm here in this room with perfect hardwood floors.A bed with
expensive sheets.I have someone laying next to me,but in this
moment I haven't felt so alone.
And all I can think about is what I wouldn't give to be back
where I was.
And all I can remember is the smell of popcorn.Dim
lights.Sunscreen and sunburns.Cold nights.I'm realising I'm
already starting to forget your laugh.The sound of your voice.
How much more time will go by before I don't remember you at
all?
You always used to leave a mark.Now my skin has no pigment.
I'm laying in this bed.Stranded..like I'm on an island.His back is
to me,and he might as well be miles away.
And I am thinking of all the things I would be doing tonight if it
were you instead.
I stained those expensive sheets with my memories of you.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
My Day.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Writers Block.
I haven't written in a while.
Not just on here.I have a 5 year journal that I neglect on average of 3 days at a time.Then,when I start feeling bad,I go back over the last few days events as if I was writing them on the days the occured.Living in the past in the present can be dangerous,even on a simplistic level.And with the way things have been going,its hard to find anything to say that I even want to talk about.
Dont get me wrong.Some of my best writing has been from a place of despreation.Lonliness.Wanting.
I have a lot on my mind and no disire to try and sort it out by my own means.I've been trying to go with the flow.I can't tell if its even working.I feel detached,so maybe it is..in a way.
I bought a black hardcover journal 2 weeks ago.Nothing has been written in it.
Why am I sitting around fucking things off?
I'm finally getting some time to myself.The condo has been empty.I was able to start my polaroid project and shoot my 1st DIY set..which I was planning on sending into DN.
My hair is long and deep burgandy.I'm enjoying it a whole hell of a lot.I'm trying to get back into the gym track of things.When my Mom was in town it kinda fucked my schdeual all up,though I was definatley happy she was here.
I really miss working.
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